1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
