Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
