i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
