I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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