I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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