And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
