Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
