I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
