my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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