it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
