Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
