So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
