you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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