I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Randomize
