so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
