we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
