a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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