Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
