During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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