2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
