I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
