He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
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