I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
MIDGETS
????
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
