So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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