It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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