U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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