you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
