It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
