my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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