ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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