Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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