I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
