Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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