God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
