in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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