while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
