i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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