I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
