ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
