Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
