Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
