i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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