I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
