When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
