even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
