I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
