before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
