"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
