why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
