I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
