so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
